On Seeing Little Red
Yesterday was a cluster. It reminded me very much of the paralegal job I had a few years ago when I was supporting three busy attorneys and some days I didn’t even have time to use the restroom because of the time sensitive crap I had to stay on top of--and I ALWAYS had more than what one person could reasonably do in a 40 hour week sitting on my desk. I never went home with a clear desk, I’d constantly worry and obsess over all the stuff I didn’t get to, yada, yada. When I got too sick to work a full time schedule, my hours went down to 5 a day per my doctor (and my eyes that got too blurry to see at all after about 3 or 4 hours, so I was definitely a struggle bug) and they STILL EXPECTED ME TO DO MY SAME WORKLOAD that was already too much for an 8 hour day. In hindsight, I’m sure they didn’t want to have to fire me, and they were trying to drive me to quit, which is a shit move. What actually happened? I got so sick I couldn’t see, could barely walk and my husband had to drive me to work every day because my vision was getting so poor, I couldn’t reliably drive (I wasn't too reliable with any human tasks, to be honest). Hubs and I agreed that I wouldn’t quit that job unless I had something else lined up, but I was too sick to job hunt or do anything but sleep (I wasn’t even up for supper) the second I got home. It was incredibly stressful, and the firm finally did fire me, but knew they couldn’t legally fire me for health reasons, so the reason they gave was “performance below standard” and when they fired me, they intimated as much and told me that they would not fight me on an unemployment claim. They were true to their word, and we are all much happier now. I did like my bosses okay and we’re still oddly in touch and have even hung out a time or two since that time. They liked my work very much when I was healthy! Lol The job though? That sucked big balls of greasy, grimy gopher guts.
I had a taste of that stress level again yesterday and let me tell you--I do not miss it one single bit. haha I still had 2 projects on my desk when I left the office. I was sporting a migraine and relieved that I don’t have that level of stress on a daily basis anymore! Before I even had a chance to have a pity party, this cheery little cardinal made me smile, as I was getting into my car to drive home.
He reminded me that life doesn’t have to be so complicated. Time keeps slipping into the future, as it should, and when I have an opportunity to relax and be happy, I should seize it 1000%. I needed that reminder yesterday!! I’m trying, I really am. It’s good to know that I can be so frazzled but can still enjoy the little things once in a while.
That said, I crashed pretty hard once I got home last night. Hubs went to the races with his buddy, so I mindlessly watched television (I’m kinda hooked on Expedition Unknown these days but usually I have it on as background--last night I plopped my lazy butt in front of the TV and flipped channels for a bit before I decided X-Unk was my jam, as it usually is) while working in my adult coloring book and I did some laundry, made a quick dinner and dishes. I started to watch the new animated Grinch from a couple of years ago, but started to doze off, so I’ll have to finish it when we return from Florida.