cerezamarrero

I'm Just a Person on my Own


You'd think I'd be more into 80s music since I graduated high school in 1987. Yet, the 90s spoke to me so much more.

I'm just a person on my own. Lone Wolf. Rock. Island. (Nod to Simon & Garfunkel there.) I think this is how I have viewed myself since I was a young girl. I've always had friends. I am extremely open to a point. And then, I cocoon. I'm equally comfortable in social vs. non-social situations.

I don't know if this is a bad thing or an okay thing, but even within my best friend circle, there are so many things I don't feel comfortable in revealing. Yet--they are the first to know the MAJOR things. I actually turned to my besties when hubs was first in the hospital with his stroke, I couldn't understand what he was saying, and I was freaked out. I turned here, too.

Yet, I did not tell Miranda about hubs's stroke until last week. (Nor did I tell Chichita or several other close family members who I still love and who have always shown me love.) Why? She is the closest thing I have to a sister. I wanted to tell her. Even then. But I didn't. I don't know why...

I really can't express that properly. Not here. Not to my besties. Not even to myself, I don't think. And that one line--I'm just a person on my own--feels accurate. I know love surrounds me but...love doesn't know where my fears hang out.

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