cerezamarrero

What is this good news you speak of?

My eyes have been declared to be 2/3 healed. Hooray!! I have some lingering infection, and I will still have the autoimmune issues unless I can figure out how to get into remission, and I still have allergies----but they are sooo much better than they were even just 2 weeks ago. Whew. That is a HUGE load off of my mind. I was trying to figure out exactly how we would handle things if I ended up with driving restrictions too. Obviously, all of our shopping would be done online, including pharmacy and groceries (my pharmacy delivers, thankfully, but I don't think hubs's does). The bus comes about 3/4 mile away from our house. I would likely take the bus most places but would double mask. Hubs refuses to take the bus. Our next-door neighbors on both sides have also offered to help and Freighbor Jim was the one who took me to pick up hubs's car when he was in the hospital. I don't want to put them out though. Jim has cataracts--he's in his 70s and his wife had surgery a few months ago and is not bouncing back, so she can't drive either right now and has mobility issues. A couple other friends have offered to do errands for us too, but I think we're managing fine now that my eyes are improving. My daughter also volunteered to come home, and I might have taken her up on it if he had mobility issues like he did the first couple of days. As it is, he's mobile and steady and he can tolerate half days at work. He has to be more mindful of writing everything down, but he's getting business done. His vision is still wonky, and I honestly think that is contributing to his fatigue. I know when my eyes are really bad, I wear out more quickly because I have to strain so much to see. His secretary is awesome. We love her! She and I are having more back-channel conversations than before. We're trying to make sure we put every little detail on his calendar, etc. Since I fill in for her when she needs to be out of the office, we've always considered each other the administrative team. She's the lead since she deals with stuff for both attorneys on a daily basis, but I still continue to be hubs's paralegal for the cases like the one I talked about yesterday with the dust levels on a vehicle. His secretary & I both have access to his calendar, and I told her that I would put his appointments that I schedule on my calendar and send him an invitation (I will also be the one most likely to accept such invitations!!), so we'll be able to easily tell who put what on his calendar. (He has ALWAYS been clueless about internet technology (basically he is clueless about ALL things techie...including his beloved drones, so it is safe to say we are general hobbyists in the droning world now, and the business is definitely dissolved), so he does not maintain his own calendar, except I taught him how to have Siri add things to his calendar via voice command on his phone, but he doesn't know how to remove the entry if it changes or he gave the wrong info. ;o) )

Random observation here: I use ellipses and parentheses way more than a human should. I really should remedy that. It's one of my biggest pet peeves when I edit my own stories, actually.

I'm doing better about feeling scatter-brained and overwhelmed this week, but I'm checking today to see who I can get in to see in the mental health world since my insurance has changed over and I have a much smaller pool to select from. I was very happy with the therapist I was seeing before the insurance switch, but I also probably need to be evaluated for meds, and she was not a Psy.D. I'd like to be tested for ADD, for sure. I was diagnosed last year with C-PTSD and borderline bi-polar when I was at Mayo. Other than energy levels, this hasn't been an issue for me in the past, but the past few months, I'm definitely irritated more easily. It's been difficult to be patient with hubs these past weeks in particular because his salty personality has not changed. (I am grateful for this on many fronts, but it's highly annoying on other fronts.) He is quite the negative guy who thinks he is the world's most positive man, yet he complains, whines and moans about absolutely EVERYTHING. And, he's even saltier these days because he's frustrated he can't do what he wants to do when he wants to do it. I get that. But, when he yells, taking it out on me, it is hard to not get defensive. I'm trying. And, honestly, if I do have ADD, which I truly think I do, I believe things in general will move more smoothly if I can address it and get it treated. 

Took a few days, but hubs and I have recovered from Las Vegas. He understands now why I've been cautioning him to conserve energy, and has been a little better about it. Now my biggest personal issues are that my back is out, ADD and migraines, which have given me some nasty stomach issues too since we went out to Vegas. You would think I would be dropping weight by the minute, but I have not lost a single pound since last fall despite the uptick in migraines. The only thing I can figure out is that when my stomach is wonky too, the only things I can tolerate eating are toast, crackers or cake-y type things. High carbs. I maintain a fairly low carb diet as a general rule anymore, so that's the only thing different about my appetite and eating habits when I'm headachy vs. every other day. So, next grocery store visit will be the Mediterranean Diet foods. We're ready for it.

Okay. I'm going to journal a while today, and I hope to return later with either a poem or a positive post that doesn't mention health. I've been writing poetry since I was 4 years old. The first poem was called My Dead Cat Snowball. I've always used writing as catharsis. My grandpapa and I found Snowball (who was not officially my cat but my parents let him and his little cat family hang out in our shed, so I called them "my" kitties! ♥) hung up and decomposed after he'd been missing a couple of weeks, and that image has been permanently etched on my brain. I think that particular poem has since been destroyed because it was in the parental units' house, and since I was estranged from my parents by 2010 when my mother died, it most probably got burned when the monster sold the house and moved. Unless that sick monster held onto it for whatever reason, but I last saw it about 25 or 30 years ago. I wish I'd have taken it the day I saw it as an adult because it was too stinking adorable. I was also shocked that it rhymed and had a sort of meter to it! Very cute too, that I didn't write my letters backwards normally, but the way I drew my letters was pretty wonky and I must have had help spelling a couple of words, because there weren't any misspellings!

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