cerezamarrero

'Roid Rage and Other Adventures

There are so many reasons I hate prednisone, but perhaps even more reasons to love it. So...here I am a week or so later, no longer flaring but puffier and angstier than before. I do feel a millionty times better. YAY! I did gain about 5 lbs. BOO. But, I am humaning! And I began humaning the very day after I started prednisone--there has been so much humaning that I'm just now coming up for a breather.

Yin-Yang. My life has been striving for balance. I need the dark to fully see the light.
Yin-Yang. My life has been striving for balance. I need the dark to fully see the light.

I'll try to summarize my life the past couple of weeks without getting overly wordy. One thing I wanted to make sure I hit on though, is how much my attitude changes from one day feeling like death to where it's a huge, painful ordeal to even get out of bed...to having exciting dreams and beautiful visions of what my future has yet to reveal. All of this is juxtaposed with my ever-morphing body, and all the weight steroids add to my body-- even (and perhaps--since this is my mirror's vision) my face. I'm basically at this point...I'll be fat and ugly if it means I can truly live. I'd really love to have my cake and eat it too...but that doesn't seem to be panning out for me right now. I HATE how I look on prednisone. I'm embarrassed by my moon pie face and thickening waistline because it shows the entire world that I'm sick. The oddest thing of all, is that when my moon face is at its worst, and I LOOK the sickest, I'm finally feeling HUMAN, much healthier, in much less pain and excited about life which means I'm fully engaged again.

Moon face. Our kitten (now a big 1-year-old kitty...she just outgrew her kitten collar, and is wearing a big girl collar now) was named Crescent Nokomis (Cressie) because she has a perfect crescent moon shape over the left side (and around her eye) of her face. Her moon face is so much more beautiful than mine is right now, but it makes me love her even more. She has taught me so much during her short time on earth so far. She's helping me accept my own moon face in an odd sort of way. I can't hate my moon face while I'm in total love with her beautiful moon face, right?

We will be checking out the Carolinas and eastern Tennessee next month. Of all the places we have been to, the place hubs and I BOTH feel like we're "home" is in the Smokies, but we'd like it to be a tad warmer. So, we're going to see the Smokies during autumn, but travel out to the Carolina coastline and a couple of cities, journey to the south a couple of hours and see where we'd like to live out our retirement. Obviously, my #1 happy place is Costa Rica, but it's not truly "home" if hubs isn't happy there.

I'll be contributing about 17 seconds--maybe a tad less, but I'll be recording 17 seconds of a collaborative belly dance video very soon. We'll be dancing to White Zombie's Blood, Milk & Sky. It's my first performance in 2 years. It's a super slow part--very flowy--so I'm hoping I can do snake arms gracefully because it's definitely more of an upper body set of moves in my part of the song. That said...I KNOW I got that part of the song because I'm an old hippie soul who is still a baby dancer and needed something easy! haha Our troupe director is an empath, I'm sure...I hope the roles she assigns comes easily to her. I hope I can pull this off.

I'm still reading. I bought 3 more books today--including Kafka! I haven't read any of his works since I was in junior high. Sounds odd to say that now, but that's when I was devouring 2-3 books per day. 

I also bought Oracle cards--based on the moon and moon cycles. I actually ordered the cards before I knew I was going to have moon face again, but everything just keeps circling back to the moon in my life right now. (Also have had some severe female issues crop up...once my insurance is a little more settled, I very much need to see an OB-GYN.) I haven't cleansed the cards yet, but I will soon and I'm curious what they might reveal. An aside-I'm agnostic Buddhist, but I do feel there is a greater purpose out there, and I feel we bury so much in our psyches that it's sometimes very difficult to figure out what our personal legend should be. All I know (and all I've really ever known) is that I am supposed to write. 

Which brings me to my last bit. This past weekend while I was feeling great, we had two picnic events for clubs my husband is involved with, but both of these clubs also hold a fascination for me. First--magic. I'm learning a zombie ball trick for hubs' holiday gift (I decided too late to do this, else I would have done it as an anniversary gift). His magic group is awesome. Not a lot of younger folks. Not many women. Yet--they are so willing to share their love of magic and tutor anyone who expresses an interest. So, I will be working with a magician (and also probably my dance "mom") to pull off this gift. It's hard to buy for someone who just goes out and gets whatever his little heart desires. So--this is why I want to do this for hubs. The other picnic event was with the astronomy club. I would have been fully on board except autoimmune was starting to really mess with me when hubs got involved, so my interest in all things astronomy also waned. But! I got to see my favorite galaxy-M51 AND I also got to see Saturn in all of its ring glory which was also visible through the pro telescope, but also hubs also brought up Saturn on our telescope and you could make out the rings with his and several other telescopes. Super impressive, but maybe even more so than Saturn's rings was Jupiter's moons. I saw 4 of them!!! Astronomy was one of my first loves, so I was definitely stoked. It plays into what I love to read and write--sci-fi/fantasy. I don't have any new interplanetary tomes in mind, but stuff like this brings me a tad closer.

Both picnics were potluck. I made tamari-ginger-almond slaw for one of them and an orange fluff dessert for the other. I absolutely have prednisone to thank for the fact I was able to do both events...not only prepare the potluck food, but to also attend and enjoy the festivities.

If this past week is any indication, I might have moon face for life. I can't tell you how awesome it felt to be able to human enough to do all of these formerly "normal" things again. I'm middle-aged now, so by default I'm not cute and trendy anymore. I just need to get myself out of my vain brain, and focus on what is the most important. LIVING.

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