I do hope my bursts of productivity continue. I really think all of this (and I'm not complaining, mind you...) productivity today and very recently is because I've been legally declared disabled. That's huge--and I have so many emotions where that is concerned. It's not where I thought I'd be at my age, but it is what it is. And, if I'm completely honest with myself and with the world, I really struggled a ton (eyes, mostly--but heavy fatigue, migraines and all the joint pain, too...) at my last full time job, and that was nearly four years ago. Lupus ain't for sissies. I'm quite sure I couldn't do that job today, even if it presented itself with excellent wages and benefits. It seems like everything is going so well, and I have nothing to worry about except what I want to do out of life.  And, this is pretty much true, so I'm not sure what my problem is, except it's really frigging hard to admit you can't do what you used to be able to do. It's also hard to NOT feel like you are failing when you should be moving forward, but instead you are moving backwards. What I need is to re-frame my situation. I'm actually one of the luckiest people on earth because I CAN write for a living now. I can learn more about art and maybe be the next Grandma Moses. I now have all the time in the world to do exactly what I want to do and be exactly who I want to be. I don't want to waste this opportunity. So, I'm going to keep challenging myself. Keep moving forward. Keep humaning. If I re-frame my plight, I do have the entire world at my feet. All I need to do is grab the opportunities and radiate all the positivity I can muster.


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